Saturday, September 20, 2008

Scar Tissue

My old nemesis, endometriosis, has reared its ugly head once again. I've been relatively pain-free since my last laparoscopy about five years ago, but severe stress can bring on a flare-up and I certainly have had my share of that in the past few months. The pain is in exactly the same two areas that it always has been, which helps to keep me from thinking this is something new that's gone wrong in the long history of my fight with my reproductive system. However, having said that, since my older sister (by 15 months) had a partial hysterectomy earlier this year due to some other issues, until I know for sure there are moments when I am able to convince myself that I am dying from ovarian or cervical cancer. I tend to do that to myself, I am a catastrophist when it comes to my own life. I take "what's the worst that could happen" and manage to twirl that into something even worse.

At least I still have my horse. Yes, my sweet Missy is doing very well, sound, healthy and willing, and we've formed a strong bond that helps me so much. But...most days I am in too much pain to ride. Those days when I can ride it isn't for as long as I'd like. It turns out that riding is possibly the worst possible thing I can do to exacerbate the endo pain. Let's see: open up the pelvic bones by straddling a large object, then repeatedly put pressure on the affected areas by sitting then rising then sitting then get the picture. I feel so pathetic walking my horse around the arena with tears streaming down my face.

Since I no longer need the services of an RE I am going back to my original OB who I haven't seen in many years. My appointment is on the 30th, I'm thinking we won't get very far that day and I'll come back for an ultrasound then we'll have to talk about whether I have surgery again. If you've got any extra goodwill to share, I could use some right now.

This is just the tip of the despair iceberg, but it is what I feel comfortable sharing with the world right now.


  1. I am so sorry to read about the pain. How awful and frustrating that it takes away one of the things you love most!

    Sending much goodwill and good wishes your way. I hope your doc comes up with a plan to do away with the pain and get you back in the saddle again.

  2. Dear Donna, I am so sorry to hear that the endo is back, and that it's so very painful. And it's especially cruel that it's marring your joy in riding, an activity that should be bringing you some much-needed happiness.

    I hope your doctor can help you out, and quickly. And I hope that the rest of that awful iceberg melts away soon too. Sending my love.

  3. Hey Donna,
    I'm glad to hear that you are still riding your horse! Missy is a happy girl!
    The summer was a UGH but keep your chin-strap on and hopefully you and your docs will be able to work something out for your pain.
    Keep blogging...I like hearing what you are up to. Hope all is good.

  4. I have a friend dealing with the same problem, so I understand how painful it is and when you couple that with riding...ouch. Good to hear Miss is doing so well. Lots of well wishes your way.

  5. I'm so sorry about the endo, and that it's affecting your riding. That's awful. I hope you get some relief soon.

  6. horses always help your head and heart. glad you can do it

    be well
    gp in montana