Animal Farm Redux

I'm completely at a loss for words today after reading Manuela's terrible news.

While I gather myself together for a real post I'll leave you with a few more pictures from the farm. You can see that Piggy Sue is, indeed, a pot-bellied pig; at two months her tummy is already almost dusting the ground. Lastly a couple of shots of Blue. He's seldom out of his stall when I am there, but the other day his owner was walking him back and forth in the sunlight, letting him dry after a soap bath. He's an 8 year-old saddlebred full-blood pinto, for you horsey types. For everybody else, he's one gorgeous creature: blue eyes, black forelock and tail, white mane and crisp white markings.

More TV & A New Addition

If you haven't heard yet, Google is buying YouTube, even though they already have their own video sharing site. According to the TV Squad, "the YouTube brand will remain intact, as will the company's entire staff of 67, including founders Chad Hurley and Steve Chen. You know what that means... high corporate positions and heftly salaries on top of the Google stock. Not a bad haul for a company that has yet to turn a profit." Dammit, why can't I ever be at the right start-up at the right time??

In other news, Smith is now on "hiatus", which is kind-speak for "we are strongly considering dumping this show and don't want to spend any more money on production". It was up against some pretty stiff competition with Law & Order: SVU and Boston Legal, but I don't watch either of those shows. Another show I like, Kidnapped, has been ordered to wrap up its serialised storyline by the end of the network's 13-episode commitment to air the show. Its also being moved to Saturday night, otherwise known as TV Purgatory. I chose it over Vanished because I felt it was a better show, but what the hell do I know about good shows? Apparently, not a thing. Hmph.

In better news, I got to meet the newest member of the farm family today. Say hello to Piggy Sue. She's about a foot long, I know it's hard to get a sense of size in this picture, but she's just as cute and friendly as could be.




















Finally, here's a picture of everyone's favorite from my video, CatDog, lounging on the leaf-strewn lawn. Such a hard life.

Tricks of Memory

I've listened with a sad heart, nodding my head at the hypocrisy, to the unfolding case against Congressman Mark Foley. Angela Shelton sent a statement to the press and held a press conference in Washington, DC last week speaking about this issue. Here's an excerpt:

"While America sits shocked at the news that Congressman Foley abused his power and acted in a predatory manner towards the very pages he was supposed to protect, I know all too well that this type of behavior is common. I, too was abused by someone I knew, someone I trusted and someone who was skilled at manipulation.

While America is shocked, I am not. The overwhelming majority of child sexual predators are people we know, people we like, people who look like the very people who would never rape a child. They are our fathers, coaches, family members, teachers, doctors, clergy, and yes even our elected officials.

Today, I stand here as a survivor and I demand that every member of congress bring the commitment of fighting this war against people who prey on our children back to their home districts in each of their states."

Here is a link to the entire press release. Thankfully there is someone out there like Angela who has the grassroots support to make noise while the spotlight is hot. How have we been raising our sons, I wonder, so that there is an epidemic of middle-aged men who prey on young children? As it gets easier to trace web traffic and email, more predators will be caught, but I fear there will always be more to take their place.

I find it extremely disingenuous for Foley to stand on the crutches of being gay and having been abused himself. Neither of those things excuses his behavior, and in fact, either or both of those truths should have made him more sensitive to the issue of the effects such abuse has on its victims. There is no Get Out of Jail Free card when it comes to your actions, you take responsibility for them. Period.

A stunning revelation came to me recently as I thought about my own abuse and how I dealt with it, my behavior and thought processes warped. After decades of thinking, talking and writing about it, it occurred to me for the very first time that not only do I have memory gaps of the abuse itself, I also can't remember most of my first "real" sexual experiences.

Specifically, I can't remember the act of intercourse itself. As if watching a movie, I see the events leading up to it (the date, dinner, even foreplay), and then afterwards, but that period of time while the act was going on is missing. I've edited it out and the snippets of movie are on a virtual cutting room floor somewhere. This is classic PTSD.

What is so disconcerting is that while I needed to do this during my abuse years, somehow I felt it was necessary even during consensual sex. I was extremely lucky with all of my adult partners, none of them were abusive, although many of them were confused, I suspect. I would come on so strong, doing the things I had been taught to do, but when they got me into bed I turned into a different person: pensive, silent, disconnected. I suppose it's a good thing that I continue to have revelations like this, but it just proves that I will always be dealing with my past.

TV Gets it Wrong Again

Last week's episode of Nip/Tuck really irked me. I realize it isn't a documentary, it isn't even really a medical show, but it completely drives me crazy when TV shows conveniently forget to check facts because that would interfere with a plot point.

The trouble that Julia is going through with her disabled son is not being handled well. She decides on the spur of the moment that she is suffering from PPD, having displayed nary a symptom of any significance as far as I could see. Their night nurse (and I still don't know exactly what that means) indicates they should try to keep her off antidepressants so she can nurse. WTF? These two things are not mutually exclusive.

The fact that both Shaun and Christian can't seem to keep it in their pants for an entire episode is wearing thin as well. And excuse me, but you don't take three bites of a hash brownie and start hallucinating like you did a speedball. Hmph.

I'm not a doctor, but that kidney removal scar didn't seem like it was in quite the right place on poor Liz.

Finally, slightly OT to this topic, but that was the worst fake dead dog ever in the history of TV. I realize they couldn't put a dog under and dump a real dog out of the duffle bag, but COME ON.

Maybe I'm just in a bad mood lately. Damn these night sweats! Did anybody hear about rhubarb extract helping with menopause symptoms? Who'd a thunk it?

The Hunter/Gatherer Theory

I’ve been putting off posting this, I guess I don’t want others to have a negative opinion, but I’m going to risk it because I value your input.

By almost all accounts, my husband is a wonderful man (my ex isn’t overly fond of him). He’s thoughtful, compassionate, not afraid to cry; he writes poetry for Pete’s sake. He’s also a hunter. A big game hunter. He returned from his yearly hunting trip a few days ago, having killed a large buck. This is the first deer he’s gotten in several years of trying, which at least made me feel a little better for all the money it costs for the license and tags and the trip itself. But I just can’t get past the feelings of disgust and bewilderment at how and why this man I love would even want to do this, let alone actually do it.

This is the one issue we can’t and won’t agree on, we don’t discuss guns or hunting because there is no room for compromise in either of our positions. There are many men in my life who hunt, including my Dad (who is a lot like D in many respects), my BIL and nephew and a few close friends. I remember having the same feelings as a child, not understanding why Daddy would shoot a pretty deer and why is it hanging upside down in my garage?

D thinks I am afraid of guns and has gently inferred that if I went with him to the range and shot a gun it would lose some of its power. I am not interested in holding or shooting a gun, ever. He says this is my past talking – I’ve been held at gunpoint twice, once during my rape and once during a home invasion robbery. He might be partially right, but I also don’t believe I need to do anything about this, as far as I’m concerned, it’s a healthy fear.

But that isn’t what bothers me…I just can’t wrap my head around the dichotomy of my animal-loving husband purposefully killing an innocent animal.

He has a theory. He says that all men have primal instincts and they need outlets for them. Some men are ruthless businessmen, some beat their wives, some drive too fast – he spends a week in the bush once a year with a gun.

I am trying not to be a hypocrite here. I eat beef and pork and veal and I understand that these were once animals and they had to be slaughtered and skinned and cut up so I could have a BLT. The buck is being prepared by a commercial butcher and the meat will be eaten (not by me, mind you, I don’t like venison). D and his buddy had to dress out the buck in the bush, which involves a lot of butchery. I can’t allow myself to visualize this, particularly the cutting off of the antlers. Just typing that gives me the chills.

Anyone have any words of wisdom for me?

Totally OT – I was at the gym the other day and one of the TVs was showing an installment of E’s “101 Sexiest Celebrity Bodies”, which is strong incentive for another 5 minutes on the elliptical. The segment I watched was numbers 80 to 61. I came in at #67, which was Enrique Iglesias (I was glad to see this was both sexes). It was the next one that really threw me though: #66 was Jennifer Aniston. WTF? #60 was Demi Moore. I thought, Jesus, who the hell is #1 – Barbie? So I looked it up when I got home: Brad and Angelina were #2 and #1. Ouch. Sorry Jen.

Speaking of hot bodies, last week’s episode of Nip/Tuck featured Mario Lopez as a young stud of a plastic surgeon who Christian meets at the gym. I’m not a fan, I don’t watch Dancing with the Stars and he’s a bit too cutesy for my tastes, but holy moly, he has a rockin’ body. Go here for some pictures of their gym shower scene (NOT work safe). I think I need a cold shower myself.

I'm Ready for My Close-Up

I have another post brewing which I may post later today, but I wanted to get this up here before I lose my nerve...a few weeks ago D videotaped a riding lesson and I've managed to make a little music video out of it. The song is Lucinda Williams' "Can't Let Go", which I thought was most appropriate. There are a couple of times when my little horse Smoke is right with the beat. Instead of embedding the video from YouTube I'll just give you the link, I've heard that takes up a lot of bandwidth.

Donna's Riding Video

Please be kind, and remember that I was an absolute beginner when I started lessons in June, and that I've had about 15 one-hour lessons so far.

This week's lesson was on Angel, one of the two horses I like to call "steam engines", because once you get them going they just keep on going, and at every forward stride they make a snorting sound that sounds like a train. I was on a bareback pad with an equestrian vaulting surcingle (I'm sure there are a couple of you out there who know what that is), and Angel was on a longe line, so I didn't have to think about anything at the canter except my technique. Well, obviously my technique needs work, as I ended up with a blister right in the middle of my left palm. It burst, and now I look like I have stigmata. Also, a nice bruise on the inside of my right thigh from bumping up against the surcingle. Nobody can say I ain't tryin!

Picks & Pans

There’s nothing like two hours of Grey’s Anatomy to make a girl feel better. Lord help me, I do adore Patrick Dempsey. I don’t love him, that would be stupid to say, I’ve never met the man, but I do adore him -- he is so completely adorable. Patrick and his second wife Jillian have a daughter named Tallulah Fyfe, born in January 2002. On Live With Regis and Kelly the other day, he revealed that he and his wife are having twin boys. I am thankful that the next generation with have two McDreamy's to swoon over.

What are you watching on TV this new fall season? Not all the new shows have been on yet but I’ve caught several.

I’ve only seen the pilot of Vanished but I enjoyed that, I’ve got another on DVR to watch. I LOVED Studio 60! The team of Matthew Perry and Bradley Whitford is brilliant, the writing is quick and witty and I care about all the characters already. Definitely a must-watch. I was disappointed with Justice, I had high hopes for Victor Garber's new show. In the pilot it seemed like everyone was overacting, and seeing what really happened at the end of the show wasn't as dramatic as it should have been, since the lawyers had figured out it out EXACTLY. Standoff is OK, it might grow on me, and there aren’t any conflicts with watching it so I will probably continue. I’m a big Ray Liotta fan and was happy to see him on TV, the pilot of Smith was fast-paced and slick, I’ll be back for more of Ray. Last night I tried to watch Shark but after Grey’s Anatomy I couldn’t focus on it and I got bored and didn’t watch the ending. I’ll give it another shot.

What am I missing that I should be watching? These are just the new shows, I’m still watching Grey’s, MI-5, Nip/Tuck, NCIS, Bones, Lost, Criminal Minds, CSI (original & NY), Crossing Jordan, Las Vegas, Numbers, Amazing Race, Desperate Housewives and Without a Trace. Yes, I do have a life off my couch! I tape most things and watch them when there isn’t anything else on. D is out of town for a week so I have a lot of time on my hands.

When we were on the houseboat we watched both Underworld movies, which if you aren’t familiar, star Kate Beckinsale as a vampire who kills werewolves with kick-ass weapons while wearing a skin-tight patent leather cat-suit. Yeah, you get the idea. A little too much violence and not enough substance for me, but they were good escapism flicks. We also made the grave decision to watch Colin Ferrell’s The New World. JE-SUS - that was the slowest movie ever made. Three quarters of the way through they finally get to England and the story goes from unbearably to only excruciatingly slow. There was some terrific cinematography and we appreciated the attention to detail with the Indian tribe at the Jametown settlement, but it was told from a blade of grass’ perspective. Unless you are suffering from severe insomnia, do not rent this movie.

On to books. While on vacation I finished reading Brenda Rickman Vantrease’s The Illuminator. As with many books I’ve read, the story started out strong and I cared about the characters, but by the end the author had apparently run out of ideas and tries too hard to wrap things up too quickly. In the end I felt the book was about how shitty it was to live in the late 14th century in Europe, especially if you are a woman. If you’ve read The Birth of Venus, it reminded me a lot of that. I also read Jasper Fforde’s first Thursday Next novel, The Eyre Affair. The premise of this book intrigued me, and while there were several clever plot points, in the end it wasn’t meaty enough for my tastes. With characters named Braxton Hicks and Jack Schitt (I kid you not), it was hard to take anything that happened very seriously. But, if you are looking for a quick easy read with a literary twist, you might enjoy it. I also re-read Anita Shreve’s The Weight of Water. I didn’t realize that I had read it before until I started, but I didn’t remember the salient point (who dunnit) so I still enjoyed it. I just started Sarah Waters’ Affinity and I’m finding it hard to get into. This one, like Tipping the Velvet, which I read last year, is another Elizabethan lesbian novel, only this one takes place in a prison. I’ll do a full review once I’m done.