It's been a week since D left for NYC. We've been apart before, we've even been this far apart before, but not for this long. Somehow the fact that he is on the other side of the country makes this worse. Perhaps it's because I know I can't just jump in the car and be with him in a few hours. I spent $80 on groceries today, and with the exception of bananas and grapes, almost everything else I bought was in a box or a bag. I'm trying not to eat junk, but I'll be damned if I'm going to make a big fuss just to feed myself. Most days I get up, work at my home office in my sweats or get ready and drive to a client's office for the day, come home, eat in front of the TV and fall asleep on the couch. I wake up around 2:30 am and go upstairs to bed, where I read for a while to help me get back to sleep. Lather, rinse, repeat.
I've visited friends and gone out to eat, taken riding lessons and shopped. I would have done all of these things if D was here. But he isn't. And the house doesn't feel right. The bed doesn't feel right. I don't feel right.
Should I be embarrassed to admit this?
While I'm at home making permanent butt marks on our couch, my husband is far from home, hooking up with work colleagues, meeting online friends in person and taking martial arts classes.
I'm proud of him for taking advantage of the opportunities that have presented themselves; but I have to admit that right now I'm feeling like I need him a lot more than he needs me.
I've had way too much experience in this area. My philosophy is that it is much harder to be left than to leave. Him gaining new sights and experiences will make the time fly. Butt marks on a couch certainly drag time.
ReplyDeleteI think it is somehow redeeming to miss someone so much. It is an affirmation, not something to be embarrassed about.
I have to keep myself moving, or I'll miss you too much to bear.
ReplyDeleteD
Dinner Thursday?
ReplyDeleteOh, I feel for you. But, I'm with Cricket and this being an affirmation.
ReplyDeleteI am not a happy camper when Dennis travels. But I used to be deliriously happy when my first husband would just GO AWAY for a few days so I could have some peace. :-P (Now that's embarassing to admit...)
This may be weird, but sometimes I almost revel in missing Dennis because it means I actually have someone I love so much that I am all at sixes and sevens when he's not around.
Kimberly
And guess what?! After almost 40 years of marriage it doesn't get any easier. I still get all aflutter when he is on his way back after an absence.
ReplyDelete**Thinking of you, sweetie**
ReplyDeleteThat's NOT EMBARRASSING! He's the love of your life - of course you miss him and don't feel quite right when he's gone. I hope the next two weeks go quickly. - Kym
ReplyDeleteThree weeks is a long time. I feel for you and for him. I traveled a lot for my previous job, and I'm not sure which is worse - the going away or the staying home. Both kind of suck. But the homecoming always rocks.
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