There have been a few Big Issues gathering steam in the background here in the Cage. I don’t do well when my stability is threatened; in fact, it takes very little to make me stumble and fall, especially when I’m compromised by stress.
The other day something happened with D that toppled me. I’m not going to go into specifics here, but it involved trust and secrets. A dynamic was created that was unnervingly similar to one that happened a lot in my first marriage. Not.a.good.thing.
Last night we talked through it as best we could, although the telephone and the 3 hour time difference made it exceedingly difficult. The wine made it a little less difficult (for me, at least). We both apologized for the hurt we’d caused each other and made compromises on a couple of battleground issues.
I’m deeply grateful that we have the kind of relationship that can bear this level of emotional turmoil, and while I’m not naïve enough to think that our marriage would be totally immune to difficulty, it still sucks.
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One of the things I am most grateful for is that I now have a husband who, even if he doesn't like it, can forgive me for being a less than perfect wife. For my nagging, my moods, my anger... all the things that I am trying to be better at. Forgiveness is huge in a marriage.
ReplyDeleteThinking of you...
Off-Topic, forgive me: when the crap did you get to meet Baryshnikov?!?! Just read that in your '100 Things.' Oh. My. God. You must tell me about that next I see you... if you knew how much I loved that man when I was 14...
ReplyDeleteOne more and I'll stop, really, but now that I'm thinking about Jacques Brel, you simply must listen to this song if you haven't ever:
ReplyDeleteLa Chanson Des Vieux Amants.
Here's the lyrics in French:
http://fr.lyrics-copy.com/jacques-brel/la-chanson-des-vieux-amants.htm
And here's the lyrics in English:
http://www.commex.org/jenny/lylovers.htm
Made me think of you... and really myself, in the end, too.
Relationships, they are often hard. So hard. So painfully hard. But also so painfully rewarding.
ReplyDeleteSorry to hear that you guys are having a difficult time, I do hope that there is a good way to work through it. Wishing you much strength and patience.
ReplyDelete